Ep. 161-Hi, I'm a Recovering Perfectionist

It was a typical Wednesday evening roller derby practice. We had split into groups where half the skaters were doing laps while the other half stayed in the middle to do push-ups, squats, arm circles, etc. while waiting their turn. I was with the group in the center, and we were doing our usual chatting between sets. We started talking about comparison and how it affects us on the track - both during practice, and in bouts. Derby is a community where we make it a point to uplift and encourage each other, because we recognize how hard we can be on ourselves. It isn’t a sport by any means. Simply learning the basics of skating took me months and was something I agonized over for a long time. 

 

My teammates and I started talking about how easy it is to compare where we are in our skating and derby journey, and how discouraged we can feel when we aren’t “far enough” along. I especially felt that way after breaking my ankle and getting surgery at the start of 2023. I had worked so hard to build up my skills, and in an instant I was back to square one. When I finally made it back onto the track six months later, I had watched my peers grow in skill exponentially. And I felt left behind. It was as if I was learning to skate again for the first time. I had to be patient with myself and learn to embrace the imperfection within the journey. Thankfully, I had my derby family there to lift me up and remind me what I had overcome in the early days back. And still -- my desire to be perfect often holds me back from being the best player I can be. There are times when I get embarrassed at practice when I suck at something and I feel like…oh, I’ve been doing derby for over 2 years now and I make it a point to exercise so often outside of practice. I shouldn’t feel so behind or tired. But then I have to remind myself that struggling as I’m learning or gaining experience in something I care about isn’t something to be embarrassed of. Even now as I’ve picked up bowling as a hobby with my boyfriend, and he’s teaching me how to hook the ball and completely revamp my technique - some days it feels impossible not to beat myself up or feel discouraged. 

 

After sharing with my derby fam about these things, I began to wonder - where does perfectionism, especially in women, usually stem from? In what ways do we tend to allow it to hold us back from doing what lights us up? Are there tangible ways we can learn to work with our perfectionistic tendencies so they don’t hold us back as much? That’s what I intend to explore in this week's episode.

 

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Talk to you soon!